God Answers

These are 2 journal entries from 2 days last week where I saw God move in crazy ways in a prison outreach that Evan and I took part in. One was an entry of brokenness and the second was an entry of pure joy.

JULY 17, 2013

            Heavy. That’s all I can say about today. I am going to try and unpack what I saw today in this entry, but words do not do justice. In some days on outreach, God will break my heart, I know that, but when He does, I lose my focus on Him. I know I should keep running back to His open arms, but when I see such a broken and sad situation, His arms feel so distant. It brings questions of doubt and anger to my mind. “Why would God let this happen? He is always with us, but why does it seem like He has abandoned this place and these teenagers? Or is it that us humans have distanced ourselves from God, and He is trying to break through but we keep pushing him back? I think it’s the last one. Human nature=frustrating and heartbreaking.

            We had the opportunity to visit a teenager prison today and tour it. I didn’t know what to expect, so I walked in (first time in a prison) and nothing could of prepared me for what I saw. It honestly felt like stepping through the front gate of a zoo. As we walked into the courtyard my eyes shifted left to the left. There stood the “prisoners” inside their “cages”. Their arms were hanging out between the bars and they just looked at us. They were just boys. Only a couple of years younger then me! Yet they were here locked up day after day with hardly any visitors. All they really had was each other. I saw this and my heart was broken. I thought God couldn’t possibly break my heart any more at this point but I was wrong. We had the opportunity to look into a cell and see what living conditions the teenage boys had. The cells were the size of a small walk in closet. All stone, no windows, and no door to keep the cold winter air out! It was 2-3 boys to each cell.

            We finished the tour and I was in a state of shock for the rest of the day. I didn’t know what to think of what I had seen and I was angry with God. I couldn’t believe He had let it come to such a terrible place. I had lots of questions and no answers. I shut myself up so that I could “duke it out” with God, and search for answers.

JULY 18, 2013

“Oh Lord my God, when I in Awesome wonder, consider all the worlds thy hands have made.” Oh what a BIG God I have. He showed up in huge ways today and he absolutely rocked any doubts and questions I had about Him. A God of mysterious wonders, but in todays case He was definitely a God of answers. After lunch we each split off into the specific projects that we had been assigned to this week. And we were back to the prison. Our group had made activity plans and then we were off to see what we could do to extend Gods Kingdom! Better yet, how God could extend His kingdom through us. I went into the day nervous and worried but with an open mind. “Anything could be better then yesterday”, I thought. God would show me how He moves later that afternoon. When we arrived at the prison I was a ball of nerves. A billion questions were bouncing around in my mind. We entered the prison as the day before and once again the prisoners were just watching us through the bars in the cell. Once again I felt hopeless, but a bit optimistic that we were going to help them scape from their mental and emotional prison- even if it was just for a small time. I counted 18 kids lined up to hang out with us. My nerves were a wreck. But the afternoon went so smoothly. God was definitely hard at work and He made that very obvious. My nerves melted away and unreal feelings of joy replaced them! I was smiling from ear to ear as we interacted with the kids. We painted posters, played basketball, and just hung out with them and loved on them. The kids seemed to have a blast, and they received our activities so well.

            The way God answered my cry, has definitely been a highlight of the trip so far! Seeing God move in such a hopeful way brought me the realization that He is always working and that He is always there! When it seems like all hope is lost, I need to run back to God and trust in Him. 

Praying for God to continue to wreck me in all that I do. The more broken I become, the more reliant on God I will become. Thank you for all of your prayers and support thus far. 

-Darcy

            These are the two paintings that were painted by the teenagers. Each square was painted individually without knowing that they fit together like a large puzzle. The intent of this was to teach the kids that their individuality is part of a greater  body and that they have to learn to work together. The dove was meant to represent the freedom that Christ can offer these young souls. Not just a physical freedom of prison but freedom from their past, from their addictions, and themselves. Some of the captions read, "I Love You", "Praise God",  and "I miss my family."